RANT/RAVE (Week of Feb. 25)

Missed manners
VANOC has been so concerned about us stupid little Canadians from B.C. acting proper during the Olympics. There’s a whole list of reasons why we should act proper and change our filthy behaviour for the international guests that [have come] to look at the Olympics. They have seminars available that you can go to so you can learn how to behave in public. They even had a representative come to my workplace to teach us things, like don’t hork up a big wad of lung jelly in public! Cover your mouth with your hand and cough politely! Wash your armpits! Comb your hair! And also, be friendly and helpful to everybody that runs up to you and tugs on your arm in public. What a load of crap! So far, I’ve seen rude people from a nameless collection of states on the North American continent trying to cut in line at Shoppers Drug Mart and arguing loudly about service in restaurants. I’ve seen people busting down the sidewalk, five abreast, with their damn Olympic logo jackets on, refusing to step aside for other people. I think VANOC should have told the rest of the world, “When you come to Vancouver, be polite.” Because we are polite, but we don’t tolerate assholes.
Anonymous Rantline caller

Open all night
It’s 3:15 a.m., and I am not up because I like this time of the morning, but because the thoughtless visitors to our community are once again whooping, whistling, setting off fireworks, and honking below. The reason for this hubbub at this un-humanly (sic) hour: the laser light show. This isn’t the first sleepless night I’ve had as a West End resident — it’s been happening ever since the spectacle went up. Every night, ALL NIGHT LONG, people parade through our neighbourhood and, for some Godforsaken reason, can’t appreciate the lights in silent awe. They have to scream it out as loud as they possibly can! I am tired and fed up, and I want to know what’s our recourse? If you call the police, they say there’s nothing they can do. If you shout at our loud visitors to kindly S.T.F.U., they shout louder. I don’t want to discuss the alternative, since it involves a-semi automatic and isn’t at all legal, but what is a poor, sleep-deprived resident to do?... So, where’s my Olympic spirit? At the bottom of a box of sleeping aids and foamy earplugs.
Sleepless in Funcouver

All is well
Will you people realize that there is no such thing as global warming. It’s a myth. The weather in Vancouver, in February, is the regular weather that we have every February. It’s just the way it is: dandelions poking their heads through the sidewalks, daffodils springing up... No global warming. Normal. Get with it, please.
Anonymous Rantline caller

Off the rails
This is to all the N.I.M.B.Y. cheapskates who want a third-rate light-rail train slowly chugging down Broadway to UBC, stopping at every light. Geniuses, for trains to be efficient, they must be either below or above traffic. A train at street level, with all the other vehicles, might as well be a bus. Light rail is also dangerous; [the trains] in San Francisco regularly run over and kill pedestrians. Is that what you want? Let’s do it right and invest in a safe, efficient train that people will actually ride, like the Canada Line.
Mark

What price culture?
Two complaints about [the Olympic cultural venues]: excessive security, and lack of comfort for those of us touring them... (except for the Francophone pavilion, bless their hearts, because, apparently, French people aren’t as prone to civil disobedience as we Anglophiles). At LiveCity Downtown, I saw two burly security guards swoop down to frighten this poor smoker half to death. Later, there was a conspicuous absence of gendarmes when the restless crowd began smoking pot, yelling obscenities, and urinating in the corners (well, really, there were no bathrooms available, and it had been two hours). After hours on my feet, I attempted to find a resting place, only to be curtly told to “get off” on three occasions. Apparently, middle-aged women sitting on ledges or displays pose serious security concerns. And then there was the Gestapo at the Acer self-promotion centre, where we saw a young man physically escorted from the building for uttering the words, “Acer sucks.” Amen, my young friend, but it’s not only their products that suck.
Anonymous

I drink for a reason
Last night a group of visitors to our city called me a “shiftless drunkard.” What’s up with that? You should feel sorry for me. If you were condemned to live in a city like Vancouver, with nothing to do all day but watch the endless rain splatter non-stop on your pot patch, you would quickly become a shiftless drunkard, too!
Sourbugger